if i love you, then maybe

a poem for you (you know who you are):

when i dream, i think of you –

your fingers clicking on the keyboard, lines and lines of code plastered

on the screen of your computer

glinting sharpness, remnants

of whatever happened behind

i dream of your smile

a frown, sometimes, eyes distressed

tiny sparks, like candles in an empty sea and –

i keep this hope in my pockets, memories in old receipts

you are that train of thought, cutting too shortly

and yet,

i cant seem to forget

i hear you the most – in quiet nights

like silver burning closed windows

you sound like love

waves tearing rocks apart

as though they were my heart

and you were the sea

i see you again

in numbers and lines and see outs and see ins

numbers and practicality

and maybe that's what all i am

to you,

is it love?

your clothes smell like home

arms, sunshine that warms every golden smile.

yes, this is how she loves you

she loves you like the warmth you seek to find

loves you as passionate as the blue star

you see every night

burning the heart, leaving ashes that tingle like satisfaction

yes, that is how she loves you

but i love you

in rainy nights

torrents that scream what i want you to hear

droplets that shatter silence

a part of my heart

in every bead that sits on your windowsill

sometimes its her (mostly her)

but that's fine

because i can wait for those days

when its me (again)

maybe we're in wonderland – where clocks dont tick and seconds fade away

did the queen of hearts take your heart as well?

Oh, the cat! mad hatter,

teach me how to smile

even when they're together

let's rewind

some days its her, some days its me

and that's fine, really

it's an endless loop, you see

(a non terminating one, is that how you speak?)

of lines and lines and lines of the same thing

three words that sound too closely a lie

its an endless loop of sadness

and smiles with you

and for everything in the world

i wouldn't trade

a moment with you