A Single Pane

Standing still, you stare at me through panes of glass I have never seen before

They are surely more reflective than that in a normal window pane

Pained by the thought of you staring at me at all, let alone through a reflective surface

I wallow in pity I do not own and lack reason enough to stop

I see my own tears strolling down my cheeks, crimson with embarrassment as you stare

Staring into me like I am the most important being in the entire universe

your entire universe

I cannot stop looking at your eyes, your irises brilliant and bright with hope

They look into me, through me, with such hope it makes the tears swell more intensely

I am not sure why, though you stare so intently, I am so aware you do not see me

So clearly can I see my own masks and my own burdens, but you see past me

As if I was not there to comfort you

As if I was not there to hold each sin you have carried with such strength it saddens you

Why was I never enough to hold your weight when offered, but rather walked past

Walked on

I stand here, behind reflective panes and wonder these things like clock work

Ticking time bombs in my own head, while you stare past me, through me with hope

I had offered my entire life to carry the weight you bore on your shoulders

Place it on myself and walk with a dignity I had not, nor never could, earn from you

But I would do it for you regardless

Yet we stand feet apart now, with just a thin piece of glass between us

And I am not even enough for you to truly see

But in this instant, for the first time in possibly a long time, I can see myself in your eyes

I can see the reflection of my auburn hair in your brown irises

I can see my dimples reflected in the grey of your mustache and the creases in your cheeks

My hair waves and buckles in a low ponytail where yours thins and shows age in silver sparkles

All my life I stood in front of you, wanting to be nothing but yours

To be looked at like I looked at you, with such honor, respect and unyielding affection

A proudness, that this, this is mine

A thin pane of glass… all I ever needed was a thin pane of glass to see you

And yet, you cannot begin to see me