Breathless

It’s usually not thought about, or agonized

But when it’s on your mind, it's everywhere

My heart pushes my chest away, as if it wishes to be left alone

In and out, deep and slow

Like when you’ve cried so many tears

You’ve been hurt, and you’re scared

You inhale and exhale hesitantly, as if your breath is stumbling upon itself

You feel this way, because you are listening to the pain in your heart

The pain flows out your eyes, and that is that

Maybe I am troubled, and my heart is the only one that realizes

Maybe I have been too distant to listen to it

Maybe it’s longing for attention

I feel it now

Every whisper of oxygen that escapes, takes my peace with it

I am empty and in pain

Nothing to live for but the hope that it will return

And it does

It fills you up

But then it’s too much

Let go

Forget as fast as you can

It’s empty again

How can something so full of nothing, be so heavy?

You can’t move when you are anchored to the ground

You can’t think, if you have to willingly stay alive

Try not to notice it

The next thing you know, you’ve been running on empty for miles

You start to feel it when the magnitude of pain in your chest reaches your brain

Your train of thought gets shaken off its tracks

All you can do now is try to fix the mess

The more you think, the more you feel

The more you feel, the more you think

Pain is of the mind and heart

The heart is a heavy boulder

The mind is a light balloon

That’s not the way it should be

The mind should be anchored down and in control

The heart should be the feather free to feel anything

In and out, deep and slow

I cannot be, when I cannot breathe