Numbness

It's nice, y'know, not to feel anything. I don't have to feel pain, and other people's words don't hurt anymore. It lets me just be me, without worrying about life. Everything just happens and I don't have to care.

It hurts though. It's odd, not to feel happy or to have joy in things. I don't have passion about much, and days seem monotonous. Sometimes, it feels more like existing than living.

There are benefits to having undiagnosed depression and there are negatives. If I just told someone, if I just bothered to say something, I could feel again. I could truly live again, but I don't believe in that, I don't want to be interrogated, and I don't want to be pumped full of medications to deal with something that I've been living with just fine.