Shitty stream of thought

With eyes to pained to close

With a mind screaming to loud to sleep

With a body too heavy to move

And a brain too burdened to think

48 hours

And it seems like we will make it 72

Life has become a fog

Once I held her hand

And she said mine warmed hers

Look at them now

Shaken and icy

Are they even mine?

It could go two ways

I lay here

The bed to high a wall to climb

So I lay here

Beside it

Of course it doesnt matter anyway

Do I have a body?

If so I cannot feel it

My mind is too loud

Stay here

Overcome with a brain both dead and yet somehow able to scream

To live as contradiction

Too loud

Too numb

Too sad

Too empty

Too lonely

Too worthless

Or maybe I could rise

Stand and see that face

See her staring back at me

Staring with his eyes

Only his never were smeared in mascara

See that the empty ugly thing inside my brain

Is not limited to inside

Now that they've gone the mask is too

The girl who laughed and smiled

Has left and now I see

What I really am

Hated unwanted ugly pathetic

Stare into his eyes and cry

Scream to the sky

Is this existence?

For I feel everything and yet nothing

Just need sleep

But sleep is too blessed a respite

For this tortured soul

Life must leave me with my brain

Immobile and unable to fight

Unable to hide from what is real

God but how can I live?

Live because death is worse

Laugh because tears make them worry

Or do they?

Remember now

Tis just a burden to cry

Don't do that to them

In fact

It would be best

If you just left altogether

The mask is shattering

Just go away

Just go and hide

Don't make them see

Don't force them to fix that which

Cannot be fixed

Don't let them look upon

That thing you hold inside

It's not like they'd care anyway