To my best friend

My psyche is a manifesto

Of a million little things

An open manuscript full of

All the times I've been told "I love you"

But also of all the times I've been told

"You are worthless"

It contains a million happy songs

But for every nice song, there is a sad one

Or two

Across its pages it it written

"This is girl is strong"

"This girl is funny"

"This girl is important"

But all that's in a cursive script which is oh so small

And powerless

Compared to these thick black letters stamped in my head by an iron hand

"Worthless"

"Die bitch"

"You failed"

"You are a failure"

You see, the human mind goes to the biggest words first

The words which those we trusted forced upon us with inexorable power

But it is so naive to say size is power

Because has you seen the little girl with the heart of flowers? A single kind word and smile from her can make you want to live again

Because have you seen the dog at your feet?

Small but meaning the world

Why should I think size is what matters?

Those words in my head are wrong

Because that girl of flowers wrote so gently on those creamy pages

A pen of lilac and green

Saying she loves me

Saying she cares

Saying I matter

Saying I am loved