Afloat

Live is a perverted thing I think

To myself as I swim

Upstream

always upstream

Every stroke takes effort

Sapping my strength

It should be easier

It should be possible to float

Let the water carry you

For a while at least

Every time I turn myself around

The current pushes me under

Until panicked and half-drowned

I turn upstream again

Stroke

Gasp

Stroke

Breath

Find my rhythm

Swim on

Everything is relative

And relative to the river of life

My strength is infinitesimal

What I do is not sustainable

I know that

But for now

Swimming upstream works

Because swimming in this direction

Even while it tires me

The current gently presses me up

Out of the water

So I swim

Until I don’t

My muscles betray me

The mind that beat my

Relentless rhythm

Jars to a halt

Unsustainable things always end

So I surrender

I go under

I swallow the sweet water

Somehow I manage to turn onto my back

Finally

The water carries me

Effortlessly

Peacefully

Under a blurry blue sky

I watch serene clouds go wherever

Wondering how not having a choice

Can be the best thing that happens to you

And it is

Then, numbly at first

Now louder

With a terrifying rumble

Life tells its final joke

Suddenly, the roar is behind me

I shoot out beyond the waterfall

In that last, quirky moment of clarity I realize

I’m falling faster than my tears