Not Hate, but Not Enough

I am

In a room of buzzing people.

People

Bright and smart and beautiful

And every time they laugh,

I see their eyes light up

And their soul shines like a Christmas fire.

Warmth radiates from their happiness,

And I am reminded how cold my soul feels.

I am

A child

Small and afraid

Curled in the snow outside of a warm house.

I can hear a party within,

But the door does not open for me.

There is no cruelty

From the happy partygoers.

I am the one

Who cannot seem to raise my voice

And make them hear me

And I do not shine bright enough to be spotted in the snow.

I know I am not wanted

I know no one feels cold in my absence.

I know

I can pour every bit of strength I have

Into trying to glow

To keep those around me warm,

To make their lives brighter.

But

Their hands still shiver

And their breath still comes in icy puffs

And their eyes still slide past me.

I am a candle

And they are looking for a bonfire.

I will keep burning

For I have no purpose

But to try.

And when I am gone

And there is nothing

But melted wax and blackened wick,

They will place another candle

In my holder

And the world will be no darker for it

This is

A great relief

And a terrible pain.