Day 1.

Yesterday was one year and five months.

I can't tell you how many days

because I lost count.

I can tell you that the need is always there like a nagging poke at the back of my mind but for one year and five months I had been able to ignore it. I had been able to push it aside.

But yesterday was different.

Don't ask me why because in all honesty I wouldn't be able to tell you.

It's hard enough for me to understand even after so many years of battling my bipolar disorder and depression.

One year and five months went down the drain... literally as I watched the blood go down the drain right after it.

Yesterday, it felt good to feel numb after letting my addiction take over.

Yesterday, I knew that today would be a numbing, draining day with my thoughts and guilt. I knew that the need would once again become a nagging poke because I couldn't let it come to the forefront of my mind again.

I was right.

Yeterday was one of the worse days I've had in a long time.

I wouldn't be able to tell you why and what triggered it because I don't know.

What I can tell you is that today is

Day One...