It’s okay

A simple call is all I wanted.

The confidence and hope rushing away

Fading into nothing but disappointment

And with every announcement,

Eyes watered and dried.

Another failure I've added in life.

I wanted to smile. Smile at the joy in their faces at their announcements, 'I GOT ACCEPTED'. But I could only muster a nod and a thin smile. Bitterness swirled deep within me, and jealousy turned its ugly head, mocking me at my failure. You thought you were going to be chosen? Who were you kidding?

I had hoped I would be the last one to be called. I hoped I was the last one, and it came true. But not the way I wanted. I was the last to not be accepted. I felt like the outsider, a black spot, within my group. Hasn't it always been like that?

Embarrassment rose to my cheeks as I tried to hide my trembling lips and watery eyes, but I'm sure I didn't fool anyone. I didn't fool anyone with my uneasy smiles and awkward shrugs of 'It's okay' replies. It's okay, I failed. It's okay, I tried.

How do I soothe my heart? How do I soothe my mind?

It's okay. It's not the first time. There's always a next time.