What I’ve Earnt

I deserve

to shove "disgusting" food down my "gaping maws"

after months of despising the hills of my flesh,

after I became the closest of confidants with Ana,

after resisting the black stars clouding my vision as though they were

storm clouds--

rain included.

I deserve

to be loud,

following the years of clamping my

stone teeth

on fragile cheeks

until they bled

the words I couldn't say;

following the liquid knives you forced down my throat--

they weren't alcohol,

but burnt just as badly

as they settled in my belly.

It taught me that

sticks and stones

will not break your bones,

but they will break the soul of your calves and feet and thighs

so that you may not stand.

I deserve to be confrontational

after tying my tongue into bunny ears like shoe laces,

refusing to stand up for myself--

for others--

spending my months tethered to a post

as a light-up keychain

in a gift shop--

depersonalized,

in a constant "what if".

In the hurdles I've lept

and nicked my ankles

and toes on,

I deserve nothing less than 

to be

loved

and unique to myself--

thank you very much.