Fat Lips

My lips are so big...

that if stranded on a deserted island

I could fashion a two person raft

and float back to civilization.

Eventually dolphins would help

take me back to shore.

My lips are so big,

they surprise me sometimes

or more often making me stutter

when I'm trying to say something intelligent,

because they get in the way of each other

and then split happens.

My lips are so big...

that my teeth actually fight back

when I'm chewing mouthfuls of food

because I'm hungry.

Drawing blood always in the same fucking spot,

two or three times in a row.

My lips are so big,

They share some space in my memory banks;

like when grandma was baking chocolate chip cookies and says to me taking off her oven mitts,

"The bigger the lips the better the kisser.".

I'd always wondered about that.

I've yet to find my match.

Someone could literally take a nap on my lips, and use the bottom one for a blanket.

If that was the case,

I would have been in kiss'n contests all over the neighborhood.

I'd be kiss'n Angelina Jolie by now.

She'd be knocking on my door,

and we could buy chap stick together.

My lips are so big,

I take taxes out on them.

My lips are so big,

I don't even use a towel

when I get out of the shower.

They absorb all the water.

My lips are so big,

I'm still receiving messages

from the Voyager Space Craft.

My lips are so big,

I give flying squirrels lessons

on how to fly farther

from tree to tree.

My lips are so big,

if I said something now

it'd take a hour before

it came out of my mouth.

My lips are so big,

Ripley's believe it or not

couldn't fucking believe it.

My lips are so big,

they get stuck in the vacuum.

My lips are so big,

they open automatic doors for me.

My lips are so big,

if I were a burn victim

doctors would take skin

from my lips

and graph it to my ass.

My lips are so big,

that when God was handing out

facial features, he said,

"Ripley isn't even gonna believe

this shit!"